Lovers Who Shouldn’t Be Live-Ins: 6 Types And Counting…

Have you thought about the effects a live-in lover can have on your work and your goals? If not, you should. And you should think about it carefully.

When you’re thinking about work and HE clearly isn’t.

There’s no center cut for a creator. There’s no professional here and personal there. Creative is a bloodline, a special breed.

Your lifestyle, creativity and creative work are all connected. And they’re all affected by your environment.

You need certain conditions to feed your gift and certain conditions for your gift to feed you. A live-in lover, can affect you full scale, from mind to money, for better or worst.

To save time, I’ve started creating a list. If someone falls into one of the categories on it, I know they’re not compatible for housing. No application and no interview needed.

Let me be clear before you dig in. I may  say “he,” “him,” “man” etc. because I’m a female and male partners are my preference. But please believe that what I say applies equally to men and women in any combination.

An Up-And-Coming Act

You want to be a writer and he wants to be a rapper, artist, photographer, comedian… whatever. Two up-and-coming creators living under the same roof sounds awesome, from a creative standpoint.

Financially, it’s an invitation for disaster.

Running a household requires money, which is something most up-and-coming creators don’t have in sufficient and steady supply. Trying to settle down with another person whose money runs funny is not a smart thing to do. Chances are there’ll be a lot of financial struggles, which can strain your relationship and your work.

If you’re going to live with anybody, it needs to be someone who has a steady income, earns enough for two and is willing to cover you, if you  need it.

A Deadbeat

A lot of people who are broke aren’t even trying to get money. They’re looking for partners who will work and who will pay. They’ll lay back and wait for you to cover the necessities and the accessories. Then, they’ll still ask you for help.

Forget being that superwoman who does it all. If you can’t depend on a man for anything but sex, you might get what he’s good for, but let him live with someone else.

Living with someone who is living off you doesn’t make sense. You’re trying to build while you carry dead weight.

A Critic

You don’t bring a critic into your bedroom. You don’t share your down and dirty or your plans and your dreams. Critics have their role and their place–they observe from the outside. They offer feedback from a distance.

It’s not a healthy choice to wake up and settle down hearing what you can’t do and what won’t work. And it’s not a smart pick to live with someone who wants you to doubt instead of to try.

Living with negativity may not break you but it will affect you. And when a lover is your biggest critic, he usually has issues he isn’t sharing, so he’s not trustworthy mate anyway.

Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don’t have to make speeches. Just believing is enough.

Steven King On Writing

Someone Who’s Insecure

An insecure man is too suspicious and will want to keep your life under investigation. He’ll ask too many questions, feel entitled to answers and work overtime analyzing your words and actions.

He’ll be clingy and possessive. He’ll fixate on who you deal with, plus why, when and how. He won’t want you to expand your circle, and if you do it anyway, he’ll want to manage how it’s done.

Not to mention that insecure men give themselves insane authority. They’ll contact your contacts and interrupt your conversations.

Dealing with insecurity will suck too much time and effort from your life. And you run the risk of losing respect and opportunities.

A Nosy Person

Some people are just nosy. A lot of them were raised around other nosy people, and wanting to know for the sake of knowing seems normal. But it’s not normal, kosher or conducive to being a creator.

Some projects have confidentiality clauses. You’re required to keep your mouth shut and your work under wraps. Other projects are just better off without questions, input or prying eyes. No one ever needs access to all your thoughts, plans and affairs.

Nosy people are petty, annoying and distracting. They’ll suck the energy out of your work, stifle creativity and keep projects from coming to life. They’re not good live-in lovers for a creator.

The Full-Throttle Thrill-Seeker

You want to spend the weekend whittling down your to-do list. He wants you to party and get wasted.

It’s late. You’re reading, listening to a podcast or replying to emails and comments. He wants to have sex.

He always has a better idea, and it always involves you rushing through work or putting it off for the sake of thrills. Employees may get away with this, but creators can’t.

Living with a full-throttle thrill-seeker is a terrible idea. He’ll get in the way, slow you down and encourage you to make bad business decisions. If you want to succeed, you have to stay focused and work hard.



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