There’s no center cut for a creator. You can’t evenly divide professional over here and personal over there.
Your lifestyle, creativity, and creative work are all connected. And they’re all affected by your environment.
You need certain conditions to feed your gift, and you need certain conditions for your gift to feed you.
A live-in lover can affect you full scale, from mind to money, for better or worse. That’s why if you trying to succeed as a creator, and you’re going to live with someone, you need to choose wisely.
To save time, I’ve started creating a list. And if someone falls into one of the categories on that list, I know they’re not compatible for housing. No application and no interview needed.
Let me be clear before you dig in. I may say “he,” “him,” “man” etc. because I’m a female and male partners are my preference. But please believe that what I say applies equally to men and women in any combination.
An Up-And-Coming Act
You want to be a writer and he wants to be a rapper, artist, photographer, comedian… whatever. Two up-and-coming creators living under the same roof sounds awesome from a creative standpoint.
Financially, it’s an invitation for disaster.
Running a household requires money, which is something most up-and-coming creators don’t have in sufficient and steady supply. Trying to settle down with another person whose money runs funny is not a smart thing to do. Chances are there’ll be a lot of financial struggles, which can strain your relationship and your work.
If you’re going to live with anybody, it needs to be someone who has a steady income, earns enough for two and is willing to cover you if you need it.
A lot of people who are broke aren’t trying to get money because they’re deadbeats. And deadbeats don’t look for partners they look for targets.
They look for people who will work and pay their way. They’ll lay back and wait for you to cover the necessities and the accessories. Then, they’ll still ask for more.
That’s not a partnership, that’s a problem–one that you don’t need. If you can’t depend on a man for anything but sex, get what he’s good for –if you want that–but let him live with someone else.
Living with someone who is living off you is like trying to build and carry dead weight.
Critics have a proper place and place and proper role–to observe from the outside and offer feedback from a distance.
You don’t bring a critic into your bedroom. You don’t share your down and dirty or your plans and your dreams with a critic.
It’s not a healthy choice to wake up and settle down hearing what you can’t do and what won’t work. And it’s not a smart pick to live with someone who wants you to doubt instead of try.
Living with negativity may not break you but it will affect you. And when your lover is your biggest critic, he usually has issues he isn’t sharing, so he’s not trustworthy mate anyway.
Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don’t have to make speeches. Just believing is enough.
Steven King On Writing
Someone Who’s Insecure
An insecure man is too suspicious and will want to keep your life under investigation. He’ll ask too many questions, feel entitled to answers and work overtime analyzing your words and actions.
He’ll be clingy and possessive. He’ll fixate on who you deal with, plus why, when and how you deal with them.
He won’t want you to expand your circle, and if you do it anyway, he’ll want to manage how it’s done.
Not to mention that insecure men give themselves insane authority. They’ll contact your contacts and interrupt your conversations.
Dealing with insecurity will suck too much time and effort from your life. And you run the risk of losing respect and opportunities.
A Nosy Person
Some people are too nosy to consider for housing. A lot of them were raised around other nosy people, and wanting to know for the sake of knowing seems normal. But it’s not normal, kosher or conducive to being a creator.
Some projects require confidentiality. There are a number of reasons you may need to keep your mouth shut and your work under wraps. It’s not a matter of how much you love or whether you trust. It’s just the way things are.
Other projects are just better off without questions, input or prying eyes. No one ever needs access to all your thoughts, plans, and affairs.
Nosy people are petty, annoying and distracting. They’ll suck energy out of your work, stifle creativity and keep projects from coming to life. They can also cause you to lose money and the trust of others.
The Full-Throttle Thrill-Seeker
You want to spend the weekend whittling down your to-do list. He wants you to party and get wasted.
It’s late. You’re reading, listening to a podcast or replying to emails and comments. He wants to have sex.
He always has a better idea, and it always involves you rushing through work or putting it off for the sake of thrills. Employees may get away with this, but creators can’t. At least not the ones living off their talent.
Living with a thrill-seeker is a terrible idea. He’ll get in the way, slow you down and encourage you to make bad business decisions. If you want to succeed, you have to stay focused, work hard, and manage your time wisely.