Running A Freelance Business & Looking For A Man To Provide

Part 1 of talk and tips about how relationships factor into decisions about your freelance business and your finances.

Your relationship goals should be a factor in how you run your freelance business.// Image by: Eko Agalarov

When we visualize the future we tend to see an outcome—what we’ll drive, where we’ll live, who we’ll be with, how wealthy we’ll be… those sorts of things.

But how do plan to get there? How will you maintain those results?

Are you planning to provide for yourself?  Or are you looking for a provider?

Anyone building a freelance business should answer these questions and answer them honestly because the decisions you’re making right now should reflect your long-term plans.

The Boss Babe Trend

It’s trendy to be a boss. Being an entrepreneur is where it’s at right now.

Everyone wants to act like they’re making moves and cutting deals. Everyone is independent and focused on their paper…or so it seems.

But a lot of that’s an act. It’s for show.

Many women–although they don’t want to admit it–are out here looking for providers. Their vision of the future involves them living a certain lifestyle and relying on a man to pay for it or to pay for the bulk of it.

Meanwhile, that business that they act like they’re all about right now, that’ll become secondary or may even go on the shelf once they find a man.

71% of women say being able to support a family financially is very important for a man to be considered a good husband or partner

Pew Research

Now, I’m not here to debate whether women should be independent or find men to support them.

Your vision for your life is yours to have.

This discussion is about you being honest about what you really want so you can make the best financial decisions for that situation.

Every role is not for everybody. And some people, don’t really want to be a boss–at least not of a business. For them, freelancing is a for-right-now thing.

If you’re one of them, and your main goal is to settle into a relationship with someone who supports you, don’t pretend you’re all about business and independence.

It’s unnecessary and counterproductive.

And if you’re focused on building a business and building it grand, don’t pretend that you’re going to put your goals on the back burner for a relationship.

It’s bound to lead to problems.

Dishonest attitudes about ambition, especially when it comes to a woman’s success, are a major factor in broken relationships.

And broken relationships are a major factor in women’s money problems.

Deceptive Dating

If you’re looking for a provider but you’re portraying yourself as independent and entrepreneurial, that’s a false advertisement.

So, say you attract a man with the means to provide.

Like most women, you don’t walk in and announce that you’re looking for a partner. And you certainly don’t say you want a man who’s going to take care of you.

You play it cool and casual.

You test the water by asking for things, and gradually, you increase those requests.

You accept things that he gives and offers. You start showing him that your standards will require him to give more things more often.

He needs to do this. He needs to do that.

You embed yourself in his life and give him space in yours. You increase your dependence on him, and meanwhile, you invest less in your goals and you’re working less on your business. You may eventually try to stop working altogether.

Ladies, ladies, ladies…this may work in the short-term. But this is an extremely risky scheme.

If this man is attracted to a go-getter… if he fell in love with you for your ambition and your independence, no matter how sexy you are, no matter how good you fuck him and feed him, no matter how much you try to play housewife and mommy to his kids, he’s going to see you differently.

Chances are he’ll start to feel trapped or used. And if he doesn’t break it off directly, he’ll likely do things to make you want to leave.

Women get burned playing this game all of the time because ulterior motives are horrible grounds for making financial decisions.

Just because a man can provide doesn’t mean he’ll accept you living off of him. And even if he’s willing to be a provider, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to be your provider.

One in four men say a woman being able to support a family financially is very important for her to be considered a good wife or partner.

Pew Research

Furthermore, if your scheme works for a while but he gets into a financial jam, and you’ve reeled him in like this, the outlook is grim for that relationship.

The bottom line about financial expectations is that they flow both ways. And disappointment flows both ways.

“One of the biggest dividers between couples and money is when they have unmet expectations,” a Dave Ramsey blog post warns.

And, “the quickest way to feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied with your spouse and financial goals is when you expect things to go a certain way only to find out reality is a bit different,” it adds.

So, before you get in too deep and start clipping the wings on your freelance business, you need to have some honest conversations.

It’s better to get turned down early while you have a business to rely on, then it is to cut your lifeline then find out things aren’t going to work.

Finding A Provider Is A Mission

Plus, when you’re man-hunting, if you’re looking for a lifelong partner, either a husband or something similar, you need to be prepared for a revolving door.

That may sound skanky, but I think the stats back me up on this.

  • About 85% of dating relationships fail, and most people date an average of 12 people before getting married.

Translation: You’re likely to see men come and go before you get thee one. So, don’t sacrifice your freelance business too fast.

  • Marriage has been declining since the 1960s and is now down to 50% of adults.

Translation: There’s a 50/50 chance you’ll enjoy the financial benefits of being someone’s wife. That means you may find a long-term provider but need to prepare financial independence down the road.

  • When people marry, they’re doing so later in life.

Translation: Even if you eventually get married, you’re likely to spend more time getting to that point than in the past. Use that time wisely by maintaining your business so that it offers you financial stability now and invests in your future.

SEE: Why Freelancers Got Burned So Fast By The Coronavirus

Building Future Financial Security

Since your priority is finding provider, and you’ll ultimately dial down focus on your business anyway, don’t overinvest in it.

Investing in a short-term resource like it’s a long-term asset is financial mismanagement.

I’m not telling you to neglect your business if it’s generating adequate revenue. But in your case, you need to invest most heavily in personal financial security.

Since you plan to depend on someone else later, you absolutely should have:

A Fuck You Fund: This is a pot of money that allows you roll out when you’re ready.

Glamour found that 31% of women have been financially trapped in a relationship.

That can make you susceptible to all kinds of vile things, including stress, domestic violence, sexual abuse, homelessness, and poverty.

“The genius of a f*ck-off fund? It isn’t about money only; it’s about building your skills and a network of people who can help you find a new job or escape a bad situation. Think: what are my escape doors?” said Paulette Perhach in Glamour.

Savings and Investments: While your Fuck You Fund allows you to leave make a fresh start over, your savings and investments keep you from starting over.

And those assets will set you up for later in life even if you stay in a relationship.

Spend what you need to keep your freelance business on course, but plow most of your available money into savings and other assets that will grow once you aren’t working or aren’t working as much.

And don’t just stick to cash. Women miss out on a lot of money by under-participating in the stock market and other financial opportunities.

Retirement Account: Fewer women save for retirement than men. They start saving later. And on average, our retirement accounts have lower balances.

Since there’s a chance you’ll spend years or possibly the rest of your life without making retirement contributions, make them while you’re single.

Depending on how much money you make from your freelance business, you may even want to consider getting a job with a 401(k) matching program.

That’s another way to help fund your lifestyle with someone else’s money.

And, if you do get married, never make another contribution to the retirement accounts you had while you were single so it’s easy to show why you’re entitled to all of it if you get divorced.

Also, push for high-earnings while you’re working.

If you leave the workforce or cut back, your Social Security contributions will dry up or decline. And I know that’s not a sexy conversation, but if you end up needing to rely on that check later in life, you want it to be as big as possible.

Revenue Streams: I highly advise that even if you want a provider, you never completely stop hustling. My stomach just couldn’t take it to be 100% reliant on anybody.

But even if you decide, you don’t want to lift a finger once you’re in a relationship, set up some revenue streams NOW while you’re working that’ll continue to bring you money.

That could include a blog with affiliate links, courses, e-books and digital products, YouTube videos, whatever… as long it keeps some money flowing.

Until next time, stay focused on your freelance finances.

Go to the right-hand side of the page and sign up for Direct Connect so you’ll know when PART 2  OF THIS Discussion is posted.

We’ll be talking about relationships for those who plan to build their freelance business ANd Build It Grand.

4 Comments

Add Yours
  1. 1
    Unwanted Life

    I don’t think I’ve met a woman that wants to be provided for, and I study and work within an sector that is very largely female based. The women in my life, even if people don’t see them as the strong confident type, still wouldn’t give up the freedom of being able to support themselves and have their own money, married or not

    • 2
      Miche

      Thanks for the feedback. The type of women in your circle are the type who will be the focus of Part 2, so I hope you’ll be back for it.

  2. 3
    Kelly Diane

    This is an interesting post that really makes you think. Its important to work out exactly what you want and be honest with yourself and the people around you.

    • 4
      Miche

      Being honest with yourself, especially, is always going to help you make better financial decisions. Thank you for reading!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.