If I was a therapist or relationship counselor, and people came to my practice claiming there were “commitment issues,” one of my recommendations would be to start blogging. I believe it can teach people a lot.
I know some of you believe in love at first sight and some of you give your all to every man or woman you get involved with, even when you know deep down the relationship isn’t really what you want.
But there are also a lot of people who are cautious and resist the idea of committing to any one person. They find it difficult or undesirable to say, Okay, it’s me and you. I’m willing to go above and beyond to keep you around. I’m willing to do what it takes to make this work.
Blogging is a relationship. And it’s one that’s difficult to justify in the beginning if you’re the type of person who expects to get when you give.
Blogging teaches you to commit to something without any guarantee that you will ever get anything in return. It teaches you to do things for the sake of fulfillment. It teaches you to invest in developing bonds, not for immediate rewards, but for benefits down the road.
You realize that you can’t expect people to recognize your efforts and appreciate you just because you showed up and did one or two things. You have to prove what you do isn’t a gimmick or a fleeting interest.
Blogging is not like a one night stand, where you get what you want on day one. And it’s not like jump-off, where you can just come through when, and if, you feel like it, get some thrills then be ghost until you want more.
Blogging trains you to be consistent regardless of anyone else’s actions. In the beginning, you may not get a follower, a like or a single reader.
You learn to work to prove that you’re devoted and you’re worthy of people’s time and attention. You’ll develop a willingness to provide a lot of help to a lot of people before anyone even acknowledges you.
Trying to do things on your terms, based on what feels good and what you’re getting in return isn’t always going to work. Blogging is one of those instances.
It teaches you to show up, stand up and continue doing your part without having someone bait you along with compensation and praise.
Blogging teaches you to make a full commitment, regardless. And that could make you a better partner in a relationship.
But you’ll only learn those things if blogging is the route for you and you stick with it.
Some people who came to my practice would try to blog and eventually quit. You may be one of them. And that’s perfectly okay because there are lessons to be learned from that too.
Number one is that blogging, like everything else, isn’t for everybody.
Too often we think if we start something and we don’t see it through to success that we failed. We feel shame and stigma, or people try to make us feel those things.
People try to make us believe that for one reason or another we’re obligated to keep trying to do things we don’t want to do. And they’ll often stamp it as “lack of commitment,” like we’re missing a vital organ and destined to become critically ill.
That’s horseshit. And it’s a stressful and restrictive way to live.
Each one of us should be able to say, You know what, I tried that and it’s not my thing because… And we should feel happy to have that insight as we move on to something else.
Plus, there’s a larger lesson, which is:
Things that aren’t your flavor aren’t worthy of your commitment. It doesn’t matter whether it’s an activity or a lover.
There’s too little time and too many options to try to force yourself to pursue dead-end efforts. Standing around feeling bad about that or entertaining arguments with people who want you to feel bad only results in you missing better opportunities.
That’s what blogging can teach us.