Using Your Personal Life to Procrastinate: Pt. 2
So, the reason you aren’t minding your business is that you have a child or man to attend to, huh?
Before my mom retired from the department of social services, she would tell me how people came in for benefits and insisted they couldn’t or wouldn’t work because they had children. Their language, their demeanor and their tone suggested that real mothers, the good ones, don’t leave their children for something as trivial as work.
Early on, this was a slap in the face to my mom who has three children and always worked full-time.
First off, to all the parents that get up and grind full-time, part-time, anytime– Bravo! Hold your head up and please never let it hang.
Not working doesn’t mean a person loves her children more or takes better care of them. And working doesn’t mean you’ve chosen money over family, it means you’re choosing what’s best for your family.
The same is true of relationships. Just because you’re not giving your boyfriend, spouse or partner free reign of your schedule does not mean you’re falling short in your position.
Peddling an Image
When people allow children and relationships to dominate their lives, they’re usually filling a void. Sometimes it’s a desire to feel loved or needed and sometimes it’s a reason for not getting shit done.
A lot of people say they either want or once wanted to freelance, blog, or have a creative business but they’re deterred by the hard work and the reality that much of it is done in solitude.
When you say or hear something like:
Ah, I wanted/started to write a book but now I’ve got the kids, and there’s just no time.
Yeah, my blog’s still up but I don’t get to it much. When you’re trying to manage a house and a family, you know how it is.
I got into freelancing for a little while. But the way Paul like things and helping him with his business—you know that’s a full-time job right there.
No, we don’t know. No, we don’t understand.
There’s far too much living proof that able-bodied people can manage home and work. And at KnowGoodWords, one of the terms of service is we don’t buy bullshit.
Unless you’re dealing with special needs or terminal illness, it’s haughty and absurd to act like your domestic roles prevent you from working, especially when you can work from anywhere.
If you want to invest all of your time and energy into being a mother, wife or partner, so be it. It’s a luxury a lot of people don’t have but wish they did. And there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of it if you can afford to.
But own it as a decision.
Be wise enough to recognize excuses and real enough to admit your choices.
And if you’re in a situation where the demands of your relationship or household feel overwhelming and you’re not as productive as you would like to be, take action. Don’t write is off as being how it goes for mothers or husbands, etc.
There is a wealth of tools and advice that will help you develop the mentality and skills to better manage your life and get your business back on track.